Pursuing Perfect Peace

It’s November.

I’m taking a minute to process the October baby and the Fall postpartum I’ve been visualizing all year, that has now come and gone.

It may not seem like a big thing to others, but if I learned anything from my last pregnancy and postpartum, the small things left unprocessed and un-grieved become the big things down the road.

By Monday I will have gone 6 rounds of ultrasound, 2 rounds of iron infusion, countless blood tests, and too many to count midwife appointments. Back in August my midwives had some concerns about babe measuring too small—so I had a precautionary internal ultrasound. Their findings said babe’s size was actually fine but I had a cervix length half of what was normal for that gestation—typical for a full term pregnancy. They warned me of my increased risk of preterm birth. Well you can imagine how that felt to hear just turning the corner into the third trimester.

But here we are entering November. I’m feeling equally blessed to have carried this baby full term and beyond AND absolutely exhausted that baby has not come yet, because of that precautionary warning of going early.

You see October is one of my favourite months, and November? It’s a dark month for me. For me, November has some past traumas attached to it. It hints with the darkness of seasonal depression. It’s after the leaves fall (at least up here in the North) and before the snow stays. It’s a month of somber remembrance, red poppies on jackets thinking about wars past. It has a darkness that the light of December, my birth month, and the hope of the birth of Christ conquer every year again, when we get there.

Holding fast to God’s perfect timing for this pregnancy to conclude and this baby to join us earth side, now more than ever. --- You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock. Isaiah‬ ‭26‬:‭3‬-‭4‬ ‭| NLT‬‬